


Why me?

by ChickenAlfrado



Series: My endless series of emotion [1]
Category: pewdiecry
Genre: Agony, Confusion, Despair, Drama, Everybody Dies, Forgive Me, Killing, Love, M/M, Mercy Killing, Misery, Please Kill Me, Rage, UNFAIR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 10:06:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14746799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenAlfrado/pseuds/ChickenAlfrado
Summary: Everyone gets a little depressed sometimes.  Some people have it crushing down on them. Some people have it hidden away.Sometimes its just always there.That little voice, that you cant control.





	Why me?

**Author's Note:**

> Just writing because i need to whoosh this out here

**Kill yourself!**

The voice in Cryaotics mind screamed. Cry shut his eyes, trying to block the brutal command. 

**Just one cut?**

Cry sat on his toilet seat, holding a sharp blade, one that you would put in an extendable knife. The blade shone against the dimming light above Crys head. He made a cut. One, but he made it deep. Going from one side of his wrist to the other. 

_**Is this enough?** _

Cry asked himself and his body shuddered, the warm liquid slipping down his elbow delicately. Cry glared at the red liquid. This little came out of that cut? Little did Cry know, the blood was just starting to seep through his arm. Though he answered his own question.

_**No way, that one was just a warm up.** _

So Cry sliced another. Just below the first. The opening gushing out his blood, just as the first one had. 

_**How come I cant feel anything yet? Dont you pass out?** _

Cry wondered, pressing the blade through his wrist once more. With blood dripping from his arm and onto his shirt, he realized he probably wasnt being the cleanest he could be while doing this. So he discarded his shirt and stood over his small bathroom sink. Or could he go to the kitchen where the sink was bigger and silver, not white? 

**Get to the kitchen! Your not done yet!**

The voice yelled again, sending Cry quickly to the kitchen. In the time he scurried to the kitchen sink he cupped his hand over his elbow and held his hand up. As he got over the edge of the sink he emptied his semi full cupped hand. Just as he thought, the red color wasnt as noticable in here. So if a stray drop has made its way to the side withought Cry noticing it wouldnt be as noticable to anybody else either. He would have a "friend" over later that day. The friend in quotes because Cry didnt feel like Felix was just his friend. That never confused him. From the day that he met Felix, he had fallen for the irrisistable Swede. Cry has loved Felix for 4 years. Felix has recognized that Cry had feeling for him. The two had talked about it not even a month ago. 

[Flashback] 

"Cry, your joking right now right?" Felix questioned, nervously gripping onto his knees waiting for Crys answer. Cry sad parrallel to him. Chewing at his lip. 

"No, I do actually love you Felix, not some puppy love or just like family. I actually love you Felix." Cry said, beggining to Cry, silent tears falling down his cheeks. 

"Cry, please dont cry. Listen ok, I love you too, ok like actually love you. But I love Marzia more im really sorry." Felix whiapered, as if Marzia were there listening to them but she wasnt, she was in Italy visiting her parents while Felix visited Cry. 

Cry felt his hot tears streak faster down his face, down his chin. That moment he felt his whole heart stall. His whole body wanting to crumble and dissapear. Though instead it was Felix that did just that. He ran out of Crys appartment, grabbing his bag just befor the door shut. 

[Flashback end] 

Since then Cry had called him once and Felix answered. The very moment he found out Felix was coming to visit. It was a short call and consisted mostly of awkward silences. As of a few weeks ago, Felix proposed to Marzia. The last thing Cry really wanted was to see Felix, happy with his fiancé. But Cry said he'd be glad to see him. Which in truth he was happy to see him again after just a month. A shorter period of seperation the two have had. 

Cry squeezed his eyes shut. He hated recalling the conversation between them. After all of that Cry still felt the same, but a little less hopeful. Actually all hope had escaped him as soon as he watched Felix's proposal video. And still his neverending care and passion for Felix has not left him. Cry was suffering. In all truth he was in true agony. Watching the love of his life marry someone else. While Felix had even admitted a lesser love for Cry. Cry came to coclusion now that he was a dead man the day he laid eyes on Felix. Now he was just even more dead, with the knowledge of never getting his love, to love him the same way. 

These thoughts compelled Cry to tear down his fore arm with the blade. A scream left his mouth as his hand shook towards the end of his hands action. Crys hand expelled the blade into the sink, holding his arm carefully over it, watching the blood gush from the newest cut. As his shaking stopped his fingers plucked the blade from the bottom of the sink. 

_**Why cant I ever just be happy?** _

Cry asked himself. But he took the question back. He used to be happy. When he and Felix played games together. When Felix would visit befor the last trip. When Felix would hug him in greeting and in parting at the airport. Now, its all crushing down on Cry, as he realized he could never get those things back to the way they used to be. Nothing can make him as happy as he used to be. 

**Do that again! That hurt, and pain is good!**

Cry listened to that little voice, and he did it once more on the same arm. The pressure he put into this one was less than the last and Cry knew that. He called himself worthless, useless and just scared. He couldnt figure out why he was scared though because this is what he wanted. Could he do that again.

**PUSSY! You cant do it again? YES. YOU. CAN. Just do it!**

The voice exclaimed, making Cry shake again. Cry knew he could do it again. He knew he really wanted to but what is holding him back? Cry grit his teeth and held the blade steadily above his arm. The same arm that still steadily leaked the crimson substance. His and shanked his arm and he dragged the blade up the way up to the inside of his elbow. Cry screamed from what he'd just done. His whole arm felt like it was on fire, his whole body trembling. He didnt feel light headed at all, which surprised him antil he realized he'd only made 5 cuts. They were gushing blood but what it actually enough to kill him?  

Cry's mind wandered to his family, the people he hasnt said goodbye to, and the ones who think his life is better off gone. Nate...His little brother. Would he be sad if he commited suicide? Yeah, Cry knew he'd be sad but what could he do about it? He rarely saw him and his pain will only get worse.

Cry looked down at his arm, forgetting about all the things he just considered. They couldnt stop him from this, not even if they tried. Cry was already there and cutting away at what he called his pathetic body. 

**Dont stop now, I promis, you're almost there.**  


The voice no longer screaming or yelling. Now it was just calm, like the blood that had already escaped him once filled a boiling bag of rage that was this voice. Now that his blood flowing from his body, its as if the rage is just subsiding. Simply deflating. 

Cry struck his arm, cut after cut finally letting loose. Once his left was smeared with ever flowing red, he moved onto the next. Being slow at first, then spastically once that arm got used to the pain. Once he began feeling slow, and weak. He stopped. He looked at his surroundings, infront of him over the counter was the open living room, his game consol and remote on the coffee table. His cat, sleeping on the arm of the couch oblivious to Crys pressense. Or maybe his cat knew he was there, but chose to ignor him....like Felix.

Couldnt Felix have called after he ran away? Couldnt he have told Cry he was getting married? Instead of letting him find out through the internet. Couldnt he have let Cry believe that Felix didnt love him back?

No.

He had to leave Cry alone. He had to keep getting married a secret. He had to let him suffer with the knowledge that Felix had loved him, but he just wasnt good enough. Cry slunk to the floor, arms bleeding unstobably. Finally. Cry thought. Finally it will just end. Finally every night he spent crying over the Swede would just end. Finally everything in Cry's light would just end! And eventually, even the light would stop shining through his eyelids.

As he blinked slowly and breath shallowly, a knock came from the door.

Cry stared at the door, he kept silent. The knocking got louder and the door knob rattled harshly. He even heard faint ringing sounds coming from his bedroom. If it hadnt been just his ears anyways. Cry glued his eyes to the door, the pain keeping him fdom speaking or getting up to answer it. That he couldnt dream of doing. He was almost there.

_**So I guess its not the end.** _

**Nope. Not today.**

Blonde and blue rushed to him. It was Felix, already lifting Cry into his arms. 

"Im sorry." Cry squeaked, his voice not any louder than a wheeze but Felix heard him. Cry watched Felixs face, the drops falling down his cheecks. 

"Why Cry? Why did you do this?" Felix weaped, holding Cry close to him and walking through the door frame. Cry was already begining to hear what should be words but only came to him in a muffled sound. 

"Im not good enough. For you. Or for anyone." Cry's hushed voice made Felix lower his head to hear Cry. From that Cry felt the warmth coming from just Felix's face. 

**_Why is he so warm?_ **  


**_  
_ **

__Felix realized Cry was no longer awake, his body getting even colder. The Swede rushed Cry to the rental car he was using and got the unconsious Cry to the hospital.

  


  


72 hours later

Cry's eyes opened the light once more seeping through his eyelids. Cry hissed slightly when he tried to raise an arm to sheild his eyes. He looked down to his arms, they were bandaged. Wrapped in white cloth. As Cry looked around and heard a steady

_Beep....Beep....Beep._

He realized he was lying in a hospital bed, breathing and very much alive. A loud sniffle from his right made him turn his head quickly. The speed of the action made him wince, a headache immidiately following. He groaned aloud, the intensity of the ache put him in agony. 

"Ryan!" Felix yelled making whatever headache he had worse. Though before he knew it the guy the voice belinged to was on him and hugging him. All Cry could do was blink unsure of what was happening. But as soon as the man backed away from him, he saw the infamous blonde and blue. Cry froze, the last thing he had expected to be here was Felix. Cry remebered the past events suddenly, from the blonde and blue that came rushing at him, to red dripping from his arms, he remembered. 

"Felix." Cry got out. Clearly uncomfortable with him seeing him like he was and how he is now.

"Cry. Im so sorry. You are enough. Your good enough for me. You fucking beyond good enough and im sorry I didnt realize that. I came here just to tell you. Then I find you practically dead on your kitchen floor." Felix started, begining to cry. His blue eyes closing welling up with tears. Cry lifted his arms and beckoned the Swede towards him. Felix wrapped his arms around Cry body, shoving his head into Crys shoulder. 

"Why? Why did you run away?" Cry begged for an answer, and Felix leaned up untangling himself from Crys wrapped arms. 

"I didnt know what to do. Now i know that i shouldnt have even left." Felix whispered, slouching where he sat. 

"Its always been you." Felix ended staring straight at Cry, who looked right back. Felix leaned down, hesitating slightly over Cry's lips. Finally he reached his hand up to Crys face and cupped his cheek, planting a delicate but passionate kiss upon Crys lips. Cry kissed back, wrapping both of his arms around the blonde and pulling him ontop of him. Once the kiss broke, Felix fell asleep on top of Cry, on arm slain over Crys chest the other intertwined with Crys hand. 


End file.
